Mom in Recovery Blog: Hi I'm Amanda

    Hello, My name is Amanda and I am one of the Admins here at Addicted to Sobriety.  This site is the brainchild of my wonderful Fiancé, Jeff.  Jeff, his son, and I are excited to reach out to our Recovery Community!! Whether you are recovering from alcohol (like Jeff and I), drugs, trauma, or any other issues, this site is for YOU.  I would like to tell you a bit about me as a 45-year-old woman in recovery.   

    On February 15, 2022, I thought this world would be better off without me. I thought my children would be better off without me. Now, anyone who knows me knows what a total reversal this was for my personality. I was being served a banquet of lies by the demon of Alcoholism. I was in a hopeless, dark place, being fed with a fire hose of self-pity, shame, and fear. I was ashamed of the choices I had made, the betrayal I had tolerated, and the emotional wall I had built to block out the pain. I was frozen in fear of what would happen if I admitted how lost I truly was and that I needed help.
    But God had planted a seed that had been growing despite my determination not to water it or allow it into the sunlight. God had shown me that there IS hope, that there IS a way to recover in a program that has worked for millions before me, that program was the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. On that day, I finally admitted defeat and stood up from the bar! It wasn’t easy…I spent time in the hospital with 24-hour supervision. I went away for 45 days to focus on learning to live life on life’s terms. I spent 6 more weeks after that doing intensive therapy. And ultimately I admitted that I am powerless over my own life, that only my Higher Power can carry me through.
    I’d like to say my life was smooth after that, but it wasn’t. Family Court kicked my butt and gave me only partial custody of my youngest son for a year…. My worst fears of what would happen if I got help came true. It was a consequence I knew could happen. BUT this is where I truly learned about FAITH. Faith that if I just did the next right thing, if I worked hard to recover, that God would handle the rest.  AND HE HAS!
    I stand before you today as a whole woman, no longer broken. 1,274 days later, I GET to be present in the lives of my children. I GET to experience a healthy, loving relationship, I GET to share my experience, strength, and hope with others, and SO MUCH MORE. But if I don’t work my program every day? It could all go away…and THAT’S why I stay in the middle! And all of the people that I was so scared would abandon me when I asked for help? Well, the majority love me today unconditionally. If you have read this far I am so thankful for YOU.  I plan to share more details of my story with you, my dear readers, I am excited to be able to do so! I have also shared a side by side comparison of me before sobriety and with one year Sober!  I now have 3.5 years under my belt and it just keeps getting better and better.